5 Tips For Prioritizing Sexual Intimacy
We all need to prioritize sexual intimacy in our marriages. This can be easier said than done in some seasons than in others. We’ve put these five tips together to help when you’re going through a rough patch with this:
Set the Expectation
If you look up and notice that it’s been awhile since you’ve had sex, and you know that you’d better get it in before too much time passes, you don’t want to leave it up to chance.
Decide when you’re gonna come together. Whether you choose a weeknight after work, or on the weekend, it should be within the next few days.
If you pick a weeknight, on the day of, you can send flirty texts back and forth throughout the day. It’ll be like a little secret plan between the two of you. You’ll have a smirk on your face all day, as you look forward to what will unfold in the evening!
Do a little prep. When you’re gonna take a trip, it’s nothing like doing a little shopping and preparation beforehand, to get you excited about escaping the everyday norm. We’re using the same logic here. See #5 on this list for some ideas of what you can do to get ready for your bedroom date!
Make the Time
If time has been your problem, you’ve got to be proactive in setting some aside for this. Plot out the details on how you’re gonna make it to the bedroom, before either of you is too tired for anything to go down.
If you have kids, figure out what you’re going to do about them to make sure you can have some undisturbed time. Maybe you can take advantage of a stretch of time when they have their own plans outside the house. Perhaps your kids are small and can be put to bed early, or older and understand not to disturb you once you go to bed.
Set a time by which you both will be done with work and errands, so you can have a nice, long evening together.
If wifey is a stay-at-home mom, maybe hubby can bathe the kids, cook or purchase dinner, tidy up, or run the errands to make sure she has a breather between being ‘mommy servant’ and sex-goddess. (*see #3)
If you both work outside the home, then divvy up the household responsibilities according to who has the time and/or advantage to get them done most efficiently.
Decompress
If you’ve had a particularly tough day, you may need to take some time for yourself before you’re ready to be intimate and playful with your spouse. Get those clothes off and take a shower or bath (you want to be fresh anyway). While in the shower or tub, take some deep breaths of hot steam or scented bath bombs, and just concentrate on how your muscles relax in the warmth of the water. Play some calming or lovey music to help you relax.
For those of you who don’t have kids, you can relieve the stress of your day together over dinner. Dim the lights, and have a playfully diverting conversation as you enjoy a meal together. You can do this, even if neither of you are really wound up.
Put the phones on DND
So, you’ve made your plans, set this time aside, you’re all relaxed and feeling good, and you’re finally together alone! Now you need to put your phones on ‘do not disturb’… so you won’t be disturbed.😬 You want to keep distractions at a minimum, so you can give your lover your undivided attention! And speaking of keeping your focus on the ‘task at hand,’ this brings us to the next tip…
Set the mood
We’re all about igniting the five senses in the bedroom, because the more you layer into the experience, the easier it will be to stay present in the moment — particularly if you have a wondering mind. You don’t want any of the days challenges creeping into your bedroom, especially when you’re trying to be intimate. So, here are our suggestions:
Bust out the massage oils and rub your spouse down! You can do their feet, shoulders, back, legs, arms, hands, scalp, full body — whatever will feel good to them and isn’t too ticklish! It doesn’t have to be an actual massage. You can just lightly glide your hands across their body, using just your fingertips at times. This is very relaxing and intimate. It’s also a great way to familiarize yourself with every nook and cranny of your lover’s body, while stimulating that sense of touch…
Light a candle, or two… or three! The more candles you light, the sexier the atmosphere of the room will look. Fire is beautiful! Flickering candles illuminate shadowy walls with soft dancing light. And everybody looks good in candle light! 😏
Dress for the occasion! Lingerie — or even a costume, if you’re feeling adventurous — can make a woman feel beautiful and sexy, and can incite playfulness. Hubby not impressed with lingerie? Let him take it off you, but ask him to take his time…
One of those candles should be a scented one. Let it fill your room with a sexy aroma of your choice. If you get one that flickers and crackles, you’ll hit three senses for the price of one!
Put on some sexy tunes. Listening to songs of love and desire, while acting out your own desires with your love can be intoxicating. Not to mention, it can act as a sound buffer for your bedroom while you’re making love, by lessening the outside sounds from coming in, and camouflaging any sounds that may try to escape!
Keep the Fire Going
This list deals with the every day, but it’s important in the long run that you plan regular time away for just the two of you. We’ve all got to be intentional about consistently spending time together in an environment other than our homes. This goes from weekly or bi-weekly date nights, to annual or semi-annual getaways.
We say this to ourselves, as well as to you.
While we are good at steeling away for an afternoon or evening — or both — to hang out and enjoy each other’s company, we aren’t as good at the getaway, because that requires us to sit down and plan, research, put in vacation time, and make a booking of some sort. You might be the opposite of us and are great at taking vacations every year, but rarely get out alone together during the day to day. Wherever you are on this, we just want to assure you that we are all a work in progress, but we all need to be working to progress. See what I did there?😉
Regularly getting out of the house to spend quality and quantity time with one another just as husband and wife can go a long way in reigniting and/or fueling your desire to make sexual intimacy a priority in your everyday life. It doesn’t have to be dinner and a movie, or a flick and some coffee afterwards. It can be an activity like golf, go-carting, a walk, a hike, axe throwing, or an escape room. You can also take a class together like glass blowing, cooking, or ballroom dancing. We love long drives, delicious food, and a good movie, but we’ll venture out and do some other things from time to time. You can spend money, or not. You can mix up the activities, or maybe you like doing the exact same thing over and over again, until you get bored and then pick something else. Whatever tickles your fancy, just get out together and have some fun! Go stay somewhere nicer than your home periodically, just the two of you, leaving the pressures of the everyday behind!
So, how do you prioritize sexual intimacy in your marriage? Do you have anything to add to our list? Did you read anything on this list that you want to start doing? Share with us below!