Conversations Need To Be Had
June 2020
My baby girl is twelve years old. She will turn thirteen in September. She’s a young twelve year old. Being the youngest of five girls, she can certainly hold her own in conversation and debates, but she still plays with some of her toys, and she still has that glimmer of ‘everything is going to be fine’ in her eye. I love that about her! Her youthful innocence keeps her generally cheery and carefree, and it’s contagious — particularly in our household. She hasn’t yet been weighed down by the burdens and concerns of this world. She doesn’t seem to struggle with what her peers think. She understands that she has value, as well as the fact that others do too because she knows that we were purposely made for purpose, by God: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” — Psalms 139:13-14 NIV
“…this past week I had to have a difficult conversation with her and watch her light, merry countenance fall…”
As a mother, I’d love it if she could continue to stay that way for a few more years. But this past week I had to have a difficult conversation with her and watch her light, merry countenance fall. And that totally SUCKED! What was this conversation about, you ask? It was about all of what is going on in America today with race, people being killed and the protesting. Why on the news we see countless images of people protesting, people looting, people angry, people grieving, law enforcement geared up — some attacking, some standing just beyond the protesters, and some joining in on marching, affirming the protest.
As we were having a lot of discussions around her, she started asking questions, and that is what called my attention to the fact that she wasn’t really aware of all that was going on. We’ve told her about some of the other times a black life was taken unnecessarily by law enforcement or otherwise, but we had never talked to her about the details surrounding the greater issue of which these murders were a symptom. This week we did. As I considered the fact that we had never really talked to her about this, and weighed whether or not I was gonna begin this whole conversation with her, I realized that it would be irresponsible for us not to, and I would be doing her a terrible injustice to let her find out about a lot of this through experience. So, I made the decision to talk to her right then and there. And there was a lot to run down! I talked to her about recent killings like that of George Floyd, Ahmad Aubrey and Breonna Taylor. I also told her about older ones like Tamir Rice, Trayvon Martin and Eric Garner. I was trying to show her the pattern of devaluing the lives of black and brown people. I also pointed out that though most of the cases were black men and boys, black women weren’t safe either. I explained the different ways the government failed to provide justice to the grieving families before an uproar rang out from people across the nation, calling for justice. She said to me that she thought this was in the past. She didn’t understand how this could still be happening in the 21st century. I explained to her how it wasn’t until the 21st century that cell phones with video capability became so prevalent. That before the advent of this technology, occasionally, someone around would happen to have a camcorder (I had to explain what that was too), and they would record the footage of the crime. But even then, it would not necessarily lead to an arrest or a conviction (Rodney King). But now everyone has a smart phone with a camera on them at all times. And with high speed internet — which also came about in this century — and social media, the people are no longer solely reliant on the news media to report to them the happenings across the country, or even the world for that matter. Now, regular people can record and share what is going on in their part of the country with EVERYONE!
“…She didn’t understand how this could still be happening in the 21st century…”
I told her how the narrative in the media — as well as the efforts of law enforcement officers —always seemed to lean toward defaming the victim, like in the Trayvon Martin case when they just took a statement from the man who murdered him without investigating him and his account of what happened, then spent time testing Trayvon’s body for drugs, looking into his school records, and scrutinizing his social media accounts for evidence that he was some type of thug. Then I attempted to explain to her white privilege, which further paints the picture of injustice towards black and brown people in this country. How whites are given the benefit of the doubt, while people that look like us are viewed as guilty or ‘up to something’… Then I shared with her how our current sitting president has failed to call wrong wrong, or make any kind of plea for justice on behalf of the families of the slain. And that he has only encouraged more violence with statements like “When the looting starts, the shooting starts,” or encouraging governors to deploy military forces on the citizens in states where protests where happening.
“This was a long conversation…”
And during the course of it, I had to see my baby’s face sober up to the fact that some people in this country are going to hate her — and maybe act hatefully toward her — not for anything that she has done, not for any personality issues, but simply because of the color of her skin. I let her know that it isn’t all police or white people. That there are some that are protesting along with black and brown people. That some are speaking up about injustice, white privilege, and the need to have further dialogue and address these issues instead of pretending that there are no issues and sweeping them under the rug.
This is the conversation I had to have with my baby girl this past week. It hurt me to talk with her about these things, but my baby girl doesn’t have the luxury to hang on to her wide-eyed, innocent views of the world.
“I believe that everyone should be having these conversations, and it starts in the home.”
Talk to your children. Talk with your coworkers and friends… Many black families have conversations with their children similar to what I had with my daughter, as well as going over what to do/not to do when being stopped by police and you’re black. And then discussions on how to best address and bring about change to the issues. We (our household) trust in God, so our conversations are always framed by that. While people definitely have their part to play, we believe that God is the One who works in the hearts of people to bring about true change: “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.” — 1 Corinthians 3:6 ESV
“These conversations are not easy to have…”
To our white brothers and sisters, I encourage you to talk to your black friends and coworkers. We are hurting real bad, right now! And we are weighed down by these things every day. Listen to their burdened hearts on these matters and empathize. Don’t take them as personal attacks on you, but open your eyes to the repeated injustice we have been facing for so many years, and find out how you can be the change in your sphere of influence. If you’re hurting grieving with us over what is happening in our country, give support by having these conversations with your coworkers and friends who don’t seem to get it yet. Speak out publicly on social media, but also speak up when some says something racially insensitive around you. Remember that silence communicates that you are complicit — no matter what you actually think or feel. Talk to your black friends and coworkers about what you can do to help….
These conversations are not easy to have, to say the least. They are very uncomfortable, but we can never get to the light by just festering in the despairing gloom. We must navigate through the darkness to get to the radiant glow of love on the other side.
“Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.” — Isaiah 1:17 NIV
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” — Ephesians 3:20-21 NIV
Are you having the conversations about these killings and the current racial climate in America? What are you covering in your conversations with your children, family, friends and coworkers? Please share below. ❤️